Do you see mothers everywhere in their active wear? I mean when they are not in the gym or going for a run…

Maybe you have seen the parody video of women in their active wear?

Have you laughed about it? Be honest; raise your hand if you have had a laugh at women in active wear that are clearly not going to the gym!

Guess what? I raised my hand too. But today, I learnt a very valuable lesson in humility. I previously had vowed never to be that mum, but today I embraced it.

I am going to share my story in the hopes of giving a better understanding to these mothers.

I was an Irish Dancer (well still am, I am just on a long sabbatical due to a knee injury and finances). In the two years leading up to my pregnancy, I was practically married to my sport. I was at the peak of fitness, I looked great and MOST IMPORTANTLY I felt great. For me it is all about fitness. It is not about how you look, it is about how you feel. I felt confident and sexy and HEALTHY. My fitness trickled into other areas. I landed the man of my dreams and while my mental health wasn’t that great, it was better than what it would be without the exercise.

Unfortunately, when I got pregnant, I was so incredibly sick for the first trimester. I knew my body so well that I knew I was pregnant from pretty much week 2. By week 4 I was more than sure and when I finally took the test in week 7, I had barely gone into work I had been that crook. I didn’t have morning sickness I had 24-hour sickness. I could barely eat. I didn’t have cravings, I just wanted to be able to eat and get it to stay down. I couldn’t swallow tablets and even drinking water was a mission. So gym was a no go as I spent most of my days sleeping on the couch watching crappy TV.

My second trimester was full of heartburn that kept me up all night long. I have had reflux for a while now so I knew this would be a problem. I just didn’t realize I would not sleep. At all. People kept telling me “wait until the baby is here and then you will know about sleep deprivation”.

I did not sleep during my pregnancy and my third trimester I ended up with anemia, heartburn and 24-hour sickness. Any wonder I slept in between contractions. I was so sleep deprived that I found a newborn baby easier than the entire 9 months of pregnancy.

So after 9 months of no gym, I was back at it again before Victoria was 2 weeks old by taking walks when I could. I was in the gym before she was 2 months old. When I can’t make it to the gym, I generally work out here at home with Victoria as my personal trainer. Victoria is a lot tougher than Daddy. But this is not why I am sitting here writing this in my active wear.

Before you read the rest, please remember that there is an actual human being behind the computer. I may be smaller than most, but it comes down to how you feel, not what you weigh. Please keep judgmental comments to yourself.

Prior to pregnancy I was 58kg. For me, 58kg was me at my laziest and also my heaviest. When my uterus had done its thing, I was 62kg. I easily fit a size 10 pair of pants. (Tops are a whole different topic because you cannot control breasts while breastfeeding). We went on holidays and I could finally eat three meals a day as I actually had people around to help with Victoria. I ended up gaining another 5kg leaving me sitting on 67kg. I didn’t care so much about the numbers. After all, I attribute at least a few kilos to my breasts.

However even though I work out nearly every day, eat healthy and take my supplements, I noticed that I am gaining weight and the only physical change in my body is all of a sudden I can barely fit into a size 12.

I know you are all wondering when I am going to get to the point so I am trying!

You see in my house, every dollar is budgeted, so about a month ago I was incredibly lucky when my partner agreed that I could buy a new pair of ¾ length pants for the gym. They were cheap at K-Mart and OMG did they look awesome. Purple and gray and in a size 12. Perfect as I had gained a little weight but it was going to drop off before I knew it.

Well it isn’t dropping. In fact it is now increasing from 67kg. I don’t look any better and I don’t feel any better. The workouts are getting easier so I am cranking them up. So I should be losing the weight right. After whining to Ross about it he reminded me that I have been pretty stressed, especially with the anxiety. Now normally when I am stressed the weight drops off of me. So much so that I don’t want to go below 60kgs. So his words bugged me so much that I have been looking into why I am not losing weight, feeling good or seeing improvement. We have a few theories and until I see my Doctor (how dare he be on holiday until this Friday), I wont know for sure.

This all led to a huge meltdown this morning. Sitting on my bed sobbing as the black clothes (my 3 pairs of black leggings are the only pants that fit) were still in the washing machine and my denim shorts didn’t fit. I had nothing to wear to playgroup. Nothing but my activewear. So I had no choice.

After spending the entire car ride to playgroup dwelling on the fact that I am one of those mothers, I realized what else could I do? I didn’t have anything clean that fit. I would be destroying any shred of confidence I had left by rocking up in something that is too small and uncomfortable. I can’t go out and buy a whole new wardrobe of size 12 clothes because our budget just doesn’t allow for that.

So please, please be nice when you see those mothers in the activewear. They are probably like me, our pre baby clothes are too small and our maternity clothes too big. We don’t feel confident or comfortable in anything else. Not to mention, once you hit motherhood, they make the clothes look fuddy duddy. Activewear tends to be a lot cooler than the fisherman pants in black, beige or grey that are available.

Peace out and remember to be nice to one another.

Cai xx

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