What a day! Not kidding here! My day has been nothing but chaotic, to the point where I am almost positive that my low blood pressure has reached the opposite end of the scale.
So living in Darwin, naturally we have an issue with mother sucking cockroaches. No matter how clean we keep the place (which before I had a baby, it was pretty clean), no matter what we do, they keep coming back. We were left with no other option but to bomb the apartment.
This entails everyone out of the apartment for at least two and half hours… including the rabbit. So we set the alarm for half an hour earlier to give enough time to do two car-loads to my parents. We have a tiny yaris which wont fit all the baby stuff and all the rabbit stuff as Mammee was babysitting both Victoria and Bonnie while Ross and I worked.
Just as we are finishing breakfast and almost read to do load one, Victoria does a mega-chuck. The kind that sprays out of the cot and onto the floor. Coating her hair. So off to the shower we go, because I had so much time to kill. Because we didn’t have a time limit or anything.
Finally, Victoria is packed and ready to go in her third outfit for the morning. Bonnie is harnessed and ready to go. Bombs just need to be positioned and activated. We had a clear and set plan. We would position the bombs, then wheel the girls outside (Bonnie was in the bassinet while Victoria was in the pram). Ross was then SUPPOSE to run back in and activate all the bombs. However, Ross being male forgets that his partner, baby and rabbit should not be inside with the pesticide and starts to activate before we are out the door.
After I have dropped Ross to work, I am settling the girls in for a day with Mammee. Unfortunately, my brother and sister suffer from the same affliction I do, Absolutely No Bloody Common Sense. Brother Dearest did not fasten the water bottle to Bonnie’s cage correctly. Sister Dearest walks right into the cage and knocks the glass water bottle to the ground shattering it… And just about any patience I had left. I had just gotten the baby off to sleep and by some miracle, she slept through not only the glass shattering but the clean up too.
By this stage, I am thinking “surely this day could not possibly get any worse”. Here is some advice… NEVER SAY IT CANNOT GET ANY WORSE. I go home right before going to work to open the apartment up and grab another water bottle for the rabbit. I had pre-organised with my darling sister to wait out the front so I could drop and run. I hadn’t even made it down the road when I was cut off by a cereal box driver who gave me the finger when I tooted. So much for personal development and highlighting my good qualities. I gave him the bird back. Did someone say something about pleasing personalities? I lost mine. Then would you believe that another driver thinks they are special enough to drive in the middle of both lanes? It sounds like I am making this all up. I wish that I was.
Well guess who wasn’t waiting outside, who didn’t see the text message saying I was on my way AND didn’t hear me toot the horn? Oh yeah, it’s my darling sister. Luckily my mother was on the ball. I am so thankful that work was three gloriously peaceful hours. I now understand why some mothers need to go back to work to regain some sanity.
Back home I go to clean up all the dead cockroaches and wipe the residue off of everything. Here I am thinking that I can have another two hours to myself and have a clean apartment by the end of it. I should have realized that it was me. Me. Me who wants a cleaner to come in. Me, the princess, who doesn’t know how to mow a lawn. Me, the one who cannot adult. Me. Cleaning goes alright to begin with. Until I start filling the laundry sink to mop… and walk away… and forget that the sink is filling up with hot soapy water. Sure enough I walk back into an overflowing sink and bubbles everywhere. I really wish I could say that this was the height of it all, the climax. But sadly no. My lack of common sense pursues.
I not only keep mopping myself in but I manage to continuously tip the mop back so boiling hot water splashes all over me. I really don’t care at this point. I mean REALLY don’t care. Apathy all the way. Then I realize that it’s time for Victoria’s feed and I have 20 minutes to make it to the parentals house, feed the baby and get Ross from work. I am not done cleaning, my lounge room looks like I have just moved in and I just broke the hook off the hallway wall because I tried to close the front door with the banner wrapped around the handle. I go to rush out the door to be held back by the screen door. I literally could not unlock the lock. After jiggling for what felt like 15 minutes, I am finally on my way with every car in front of me doing 15kms under the speed limit.
By the time I am at Ross’ work with rabbit and cage in tow, I have a major headache and I am at the laughing stage of hysteria. Ross is going to drive because Ross is the better driver. Because Ross is the safer driver. Except when he runs the red light. Except when he is too busy trying to look at me while talking and driving that he has to break quickly and poor Bonnie nearly goes flying off of my lap.
Things don’t get better. Ross has back to back appointments and needs the car. I need to pick up the baby. I win and rush to settle in the rabbit before going to pick up the baby. That’s when I drop the bag of wood shavings on my nice clean floor. Ross laughed, I left. Getting back Ross helps me unpacks the car. I specifically said ‘please grab the baby bag’. Thinking he has got the bag, we go upstairs and then he rushes off to his appointment. I get the baby settled and go to grab the laptop out of the baby bag to type this farce of a day up for you all. THE BABY BAG IS MISSING WITH MY LAPTOP IN IT. I call Ross. No answer. Text then states ‘call me ASAP’. (Might be helpful to know that we have been having slightly heated debates over Ross not listening to full instructions and activating selective hearing all week). He calls back and sure enough, it’s all in the car.
I decide I have had enough, I am going to lay down. I go to pull my hair out and realize it is still in the messy birds nest bun that I chucked it into when I hopped in the shower with the baby… NEARLY 12 HOURS EARLIER…
Finally Ross is home with Subway. No way was I going to attempt to cook. Wise choice as I proceed to spill my drink all over my nice clean floor. Yep, I did not learn a thing with the wood shavings.
I have come to realize that having a baby does not mean that I can all of a sudden be an adult. I cannot adult. But through this hilarious day where I did lose my patience and my cool, it wasn’t continuous. I managed to laugh it all off in the end. I don’t know if it’s because I am now a mother or the personal development but instead of throwing my normal temper tantrum, I get annoyed for about thirt seconds and then laugh it off.
The best part is, my apartment is now free from the horrible mother sucking cockroaches.
Just to let you know how the night ended:
“Hey babe, do we want to put her in pajama’s?” “Is she cold?” “ahhh I don’t know”